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Keith Cook is a friend of mine on Facebook. I am not entirely certain how we connected; though I think we connected first via twitter. We share mutual interests like The Law of Attraction and Empowering others. So when he posted a link letting his friends know that his ebook was available, I decided I must read it as part of my 52 in 52. It was a VERY EASY read. It is only 51 pages printed out. You can read it in an hour or two, and since I was behind by 5 books; this was perfect! *laugh*
The cover page of his book warns of adult language and content and some material may not be suitable for children. Do not take this “warning” lightly :). He was very serious. However; I do not think it was gratuitous. You needed to know this stuff to know where he came from and what his challenges were. I will admit that sometimes I had a hard time reading the book, because like it alludes to on the front cover, it has some editing issues. However, once you get past that, you find a great story! Mostly you become a witness to Keith’s life: his struggles, his challenges, his heart breaks, and his successes! For myself, I believe part of the reason I am here is to be just that..a witness for other people’s lives.
More importantly, I found that his story was actually mine. He talks about being molested. He talks about his promiscuity and looking for love in all the wrong places. He talks about enabling his granddad financially and learning to let go. He talks about his coach/mentor being found guilty for 2 life sentences for molestation (not of him). I have walked similar paths. I know what these things feel like. I know what it feels like to walk through this and be grateful for all of this. And in some ways, I am still growing and healing from these things.
Reading his book you take a journey with him as he finds out what his purpose is and how to use his talents. You walk with him as he finds the love of his life. And you celebrate with him when it all comes to a beautiful, successful “end”. Then when his story ends, he shares with you the steps to take so that YOUR life can be just as successful. He shares with you steps on how to follow The Law of Attraction.
Because this 51 page book was more about Keith telling his story than it was a teaching tool, there were not alot of great teaching quotes. Yet, I did find a couple that were very profound for my own life……..
In regards to my relationship with James Arthur Ray (my mentor/coach/friend) who is awaiting the trial of 3 charges of manslaughter, I found this quote very useful: “It was now time for me to become a guiding light for myself. We had shared 16 years together. I could do it. Pull from my experience and make it happen.” “I’m thankful for the experiences and time we spent together. It made life easier and more manageable to know what to expect and do when certain situations came up.”
In regards to the challenges of my life: “Life was preparing me to become a leader. I decided what I wanted to have, do, and be in life. I developed a clear picture of my goals and wrote about them everyday. I took time to meditate in order to help me gain clarity awareness, and become more sensitive to my emotions.” I do believe that my challenges happened to prepare me to be an inspirational leader, and the rest of that quote is a great reminder of what I NEED to do now to move forward to reach my dreams and goals :).
He talks about an Hour of Power every day: 20 minutes of physical exercise, 20 minutes of reading a good book, and 20 minutes of daydreaming on the pictures of his vision board. I MUST make a new vision board!!!
Here is another great quote: “It has been my experience that those who speak most of health have it, those who speak most of love have it, those who speak most of sickness have it, and those who speak most of loneliness have it.” So…what do YOU think and speak about?
As a people pleaser and someone who is constantly wanting to help people out of THEIR problems, I found this quote very helpful: “I freed myself of the responsibility of trying to make other people happy. I respected and loved them enough to allow them to take care of their own happiness.” I continually believe that I know what is best for those who are struggling and instead of waiting on THEM to as for help, I enable them. I recognized this a couple of weeks ago with a situation with our “bonus child”. It was very empowering to know that I don’t have to do anything or offer anything. It is NOT my responsibility to offer help before it is asked of me. I learned this lesson from reading The Four Agreements and the Fifth Agreement, and it was reiterated here in H.E.L.P. Do you think I need another knock on the head? Ya, I don’t think so either :).
So you can purchase this ebook on Keith’s website: http://liveprosperous.net/ It is $9.95 with some powerful lessons for 2 hours of reading. Check it out :).
All of my life, I have either been over weight for FELT like I was over weight. Why? Because my mom told me I was fat. My dad told me I was fat. My brothers told me I was fat. And the kids at school told me I was fat. When I look back at my high school pictures, I see a completely different story; I was gorgeous!!!! I have spent my entire life believing this story. Which means I have spent my entire life (from time I became a teenager to now…at nearly 41 years old) on some kind of diet or thinking about being on a diet or thinking about how fat I am or that I would feel so much better if I was thinner. I would say that I became conscious of my body shape and size at the age of 5; 36 years is a very long time to not like yourself/body image, don’t you think?
To try to change things I have been on numerous diets. As a teenager, I would take dexatrim like it was candy. I would binge eat then exercise like crazy to work it off (exercise bulimia). As an adult, it started with “Medical Weight Loss Plan”. I lost 60 pounds on that, I think. Then I joined Jenny Craig; didn’t do so well with that one. Then I took Phen/Fen; thankfully my heart was unaffected. Then I tried just the “good” part of the Phen/Fen; that didn’t work at all. Then I did Weight Watchers…..twice. Then I just did my own thing; eating healthy and exercising; it worked great. I even saw a therapist. I felt great. I even became a Beachbody Coach and started selling workout systems and coaching other people. Yet, I gave up the eating healthy part and even my exercise routine has dropped. I have gained back 10 of the 40# that I have lost. Now what?????
This is where the email from Oprah came in. She suggested everyone read Women Food and God. Now I’m not one of those people who drops everything and does what Oprah says to do. But this one intrigued me. Probably because I was already on my 52 books in 52 weeks journey; and this book sounded interesting. Besides, it might actually help, right? So I ordered it…..
I have to be honest and say that before I started reading the book I felt pretty jaded. What is a book going to say to make that much of a difference in my eating/weight issues? I have been through almost every diet out there; at least every type anyway…except surgery (and that is only because that scares the heck out of me). But I read it anyway… And what I found was spot on! This book is such a worthwhile read. It’s not just for those of us with weight/food issues. It talks about Compulsive eating, but I think this book would help anyone with any kind of compulsive behavior like smoking or drinking.
“Compulsive eating is an attempt to avoid the absence (of love, comfort, knowing what to do) when we find ourselves in the desert of a particular moment, feeling, situation.”
One of the biggest concepts this book talks about is “Bolting”. “Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron writes, ‘Never underestimate the inclination to bolt.'” Bolting; this is something (I realize now) that I have learned from my father. Whenever the going got tough, he ran. He ran from churches, from places of employment, and from his emotions. Me? I have bolted from friendships, emotions, and sometimes even volunteer work. When things don’t go my way, I have been known to throw a temper tantrum and run. How does this pertain to food? Well, when things go bad, I like to eat..and eat alot! This is “bolting”. It’s the way we run from our emotions or “stuff” them as some people say. Instead of staying present and feeling what we feel, we “bolt”. This was a huge Ah-ha moment for me. I have done this alot in so many ways. But it stops here!
Like I said, I have done alot of diets..some were very successful it helping me lose weight. But it has never been about the weight; well okay part of it is. Mostly its about what caused me to put on the weight, until I could figure that one out and go from there, I would also put the weight back on. Figuring out that I use Bolting to “protect” me is a big step in figuring out why I eat the way I do. “Saying where you are with what you are feeling or seeing or sensing is the first step in ending the obsession with food.” Yes, indeed it is. “Staying requires awareness of the desire to bolt. Staying requires being curious about who you actually are when you don’t take yourself to be a collection of memories….When you stay,….anything becomes possible. Even living through the extraordinary pain.”
Roth says it’s not about the weight. We spend so much time in what she calls the “When I Get Thin (Change Jobs, Move, Find a Relationship, Leave This Relationship, Have Money) Blues”. We wait for something before we start living our lives. I am so guilty of this. I say, “When I get down to my perfect size, I’m going to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.” Well you know what? I can do that now. Sure, I will pay a bit more, but I can do it now! I don’t have to wait! What does jumping out of a perfectly good airplane represent to me? Freedom. When I say I will do it when I lose my weight, I am saying that I am STUCK. Well I’m not stuck, and what a horrible story to tell myself. My weight may make it uncomfortable to do things, but it certainly isn’t going to stop me from living a full life! And it shouldn’t stop you! Yes, get healthy! Yes, use food as nutrition to fuel your body. But STOP putting things off until you get to whatever it is you think you want to get to. This kind of thinking has you believing that you are not worthy of your dreams right NOW…and You are..I am.. WE ARE!!! Start living today..stop waiting for that perfect time. If we can start living today, the rest will catch up!
I loved this quote; “Because until you understand who you take yourself to be, true change is not possible.”….”The shape of your body obeys the shape of your beliefs about love, value, possibility. To change your body, you must first understand that which is shaping it. Not fight it, Not force it. not deprive it. Not same it. Not do anything but accept–and, yes, Virginia–understand it.”
This is what I was saying earlier. Until we understand who we are and what shapes our beliefs, our body will not change. We need to understand what is making us run, hide, stuff and eat compulsively. The same can be said for alcohol, drugs, smoking…….. “Truth, not force, does the word of ending compulsive eating.” We can’t force it with a strict diet, by counting points, by eating premade frozen meals, by taking shots, or swallowing pills. We must find the truth..by being curious, by inquiry. Asking ourselves, why we feel like eating. What is that food going to “fill”. Where in our body are we feeling? What does it feel like? What color is it? Once we can recognize this, give it a name and sit with it in truth instead of trying to run from it or stuff it, we will realize that it’s not going to kill us..and guess what..we don’t want to eat anymore!
Just when you think you don’t want to feel those things that hurt, comes this quote from Roth: “the medicine for the pain is the pain.” Last weekend, when I did a Firewalk, I heard myself say, “you need to feel the pain.” So I let myself feel the hot coals beneath my feet. Walking fire can be “easy” and painless, or you can choose to make it hard and or feel the pain. I chose to make it easy AND feel the pain? Why? Because I need to feel the pain in my own life. I need to recognize when I feel sad, lonely, hurt and FEEL it instead of stuffing or bolting from it.
One of the ideas in this book also blended well with The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz. Ruiz says to listen and be skeptical. He was talking about doing this with others, but you should also do it with yourself. According to Ruiz, we have been “domesticated” from the time we were children. It was important to be thus so that we could learn not to put our hand on a hot stove. We were domesticated for our own safety. But these teachings also went further than this. These teachings also taught us who we think we are based on someone elses’ perceptions of who they think we are. Roth suggests the same kind of thing with the practice of Inquiry. Be still and listen..be curious..ask..but don’t believe everything you hear. Remember that what your mind tells you is what you have learned from the past..from other people.. Inquiry is body based. What is the Body feeling..not the mind. Listen..and be skeptical.
Roth calls this banter inside our heads “The Voice” (what Ruiz calls domestication). The Voice has been running our lives. Telling us that we are fat, our thighs have too much cellulite, we are quitters, we are losers..yadda yadda yadda. Those are lies! We are so much more than that. We are the very essence of GOD; we are LOVE and JOY. When The Voice talks, tell it to shut the heck up! And get back to feeling what you feel in your body.
Another practice Roth suggested in this book is to meditate…..ON YOUR BELLY. Think about what you belly feels like. Now I know that as women, we try very hard NOT to think about our bellies.. But if I told you NOT to think about your belly, what is the first thing you think about? YOUR BELLY! So instead of pretending not to think about it, embrace it. Your belly is your place of personal power. It is your 3rd Chankra..your solar plexus. This is what balances you and gives you power to speak your truth. You NEED to focus on it, and love it and listen to it. It is where you intuition resides. It is an amazing part of your body, and by ignoring it, you are mistreating it and yourself. You deserve better than that :).
There is so much more to this book than what I have typed, and I have typed ALOT! She goes on to talk about whether you are a Restrictor or Permitter when it comes to food (or even life). She goes on to talk about the Sufi’s 3 ways to God and how that pertains to our eating. And she gives us her Guidelines for eating, remember that you can eat anything you want and still get to your NATURAL weight. To learn more about these, you will want to read for yourself. I just can’t do it justice. But I will leave you with a couple of quotes…..
“Bliss occurs by arriving where you are. When we are not reconstructing the past in every nanosecond, what is here is so satisfying, so loving, so unbelievably simple that once tasted, it changes everything. because then you know what’s possible and you refuse to settle for anything less.”
“There is nothing like having chocolate cake three inches away to reveal your fear of chaos or your desire to melt into it.”
“Once ou realize that it’s possible to feel good by not eating certain things and including others instead, the compulsion begins to fall away because you’ve found something better: getting your life back.”