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On May 7th, 2010, I turned 41 years old!  It was a party; as a matter of fact, I partied for about 2 weeks!  I absolutely adore my life and celebrate it every day!  And this last year  has been one of the best years ever!

When I was approaching 40, I thought, “I’m gonna lose enough weight to jump out of a perfectly good airplane for my 40th birthday.”  It didn’t happen.  Instead I started my birthday out right with a birthday party filled with laughter.  I had a laughter fitness instructor deliver a laugh o gram, and my whole party joined in the laughter.  We wore silly hats and had a great time! My husband and my best friend bought me a ride in a Nascar Race Car on the Las Vegas Speedway.  I got in the car with a professional racer and went around the track at 245mph!  I was excited and scared all at the same time, and when the car started moving all of that fear went away.  It was fabulous!  I loved it!  And while we were in Vegas we saw Jimmy Buffett and partied all weekend.  It was awesome!  It was a great way to start off my year.

So between my 40th birthday and my 41st birthday, life has changed dramatically.  Until just before my 40th birthday, I hardly ever laughed.  Now I laugh all of the time.  I smile all of the time.  I actually feel JOYFUL 98% of the time!  I know this because in 3 weeks, in 3 different settings I have had people come up to me and tell me that I am radiating love or happiness.  The first time this happened was right after my husband and I joined our church.  One of the church members came up to me at the end, and said, ‘I just had to hug you because you radiated love from up there on the podium.”  Then the next week at a Tropical Cowboys show, the drummer came up to me to give me a hug and told me the same thing, “I see you all the way back here radiating love.”  Then just last weekend, on our way through the security line at the Boise airport (on our way to Vegas again) a TSA lady came up to us and stopped us.  “Where are you going? I just know it has to be some place fun, because I have never seen people rush up to the security line with such smiles on their faces!”  We told her we were going to Vegas.  And she said, “I have never seen 2 people so happy!”    Funny thing is, we weren’t near as excited and boisterous this year as we were last year heading to Vegas.  *laugh*  It’s just that I have changed so much!

So what happened????  To say I really don’t know would be a stretch I guess.  But I can’t tell you one specific thing that has changed.  It is just a matter of things accumulating I think.

1)  I learned to laugh and not take myself so seriously!

2) I found work that I take joy in (being an Independent Beachbody Coach)

3)  I work out alot more..almost every day

4) I have lost weight (not the amount I had always strived for) and I have gained some back, AND I am happy with who I am!!!  As long as I FEEL good that is all that matters!

5)  I take risks!!!!  If I am scared of something, I make myself do it! I don’t let fear keep me down!  I started living FEARLESSLY!

6) I KNOW & TRUST that my highest good is always being taken care of….worrying is wasted energy.

7) I am growing spiritually and intellectually through all of this reading I am doing.

8) I have learned to say “No” and “Yes” at the appropriate times!

9) I love freely and share that love with everyone I meet

10) This is  my favorite..jsut the other day, when one of my class mates was asked, “What part of God do you see in Martha?”  her response was “Authenticity”  When we moved to Idaho, it was my goal to live openly and be authentic with who I am….And her reply was exactly what I needed to hear to know that I am living my life the way I have always dreamed of living it!

Sure I have challenges.  Sure I would still love to be a lesser physical weight.  Sure I would love other things to change.  However, I LOVE MY LIFE NOW!  In this moment, right where I am, I LOVE IT!  I have one of the best marriages I have ever seen.  I have 3 beautiful loving strong children and one  just as beautiful loving and strong daughter in law!  I have volunteer work that fulfills me.  I have a job that keeps me active and encourages me to be better.  I belong to the perfect church for my life and it is filled with so  much love it is palpable!  I am making new friends who love me for me!  It’s perfect!

And for my 41st birthday, that same friend who helped with the race car ride, bought me my roller derby gear.  Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted to be in the Roller Derby.  3 years ago when Boise got its Roller Derby League, I told my hubby that is what I wanted to do.  And every year since, when I start seeing their advertising, I say the same thing.  “I want to do that!”  Well, yesterday was my first practice as Fresh Meat for the Treasure Valley Roller Girls.  I was scared.  Here I am..41 years old, well over 200#…and just started roller skating again after not skating for over 10 years!  I put on my shiny new speed skates, and pads and got out on that track!  I was scared to fall; what if I looked stupid?  What if I couldn’t get up?  What if it was all too much for me?  What if I am too out of shape?  To heck with the “what ifs”  Just get out there!!!!  So I did.  When it came time for practicing our falls, my new friend Crash told me “you have great knee pads, just trust your gear and trust yourself.”  I did.  And guess what?  I didn’t get hurt!  When it came time for endurance practice, they cheered me on!  When it came time for weaving drills, they cheered me on!  I was told, “You have great skills to build on!”  “You are a natural”   “You must have been raised on skates.”  And when it came time for backwards skating, I blew them all away. Even the non-fresh meats.  I skated circles around them.  “Wow!  Look at Martha go!”  I’m not gonna lie, that felt damn good!   I was exactly where I needed to be.  It was the perfect fit for me.  The only sport I have ever felt comfortable in was a sport that included roller skates!

There are sooo many lessons to be gleaned from yesterday’s Fresh Meat practice.  Living fearlessly:  Fear is there to keep you safe, but if you are already safe, it is just a hinderance; it’s a lie!  Taking risks is how we grow!  It’s a must!  Learning to trust ourselves and trust “our gear”.  Let go and trust God.  We will never know how great we are at something unless we give it a try!  We will never know the joy of accomplishment if we don’t take that first step!

On mother’s day this year (which was 2 days after my birthday) my  kids gave me this huge card that had this granny woman doing the splits on the cement.  When you opened up it played one of my favorite disco songs.  (My kids know me so well.)  But what they wrote inside of it was so touching.  My 17-year-old son told me he was proud of everything I have accomplished this year and encouraged me to keep it up.  My 10-year-old daughter told me basically the same thing.  That is such an amazing feeling.  They see all the changes I have made in my life this year.  They recognize this brighter side of me.  I know I am setting a great example for them.  I know what I am doing is right!

If you are sitting back in that comfortable space of fear.  If you are afraid to take risks and would rather live a “safe” life, then I challenge you to make some changes.  Take a step outside of that box you have built for yourself.  Get out there and enjoy this life.  We are here to experience it and live it..not to watch it float on by us like a parade!  Get up and join the parade!  Dance with the clowns!  Play those blaring horns!  Maybe even do some juggling.  And remember, even in a parade, there are people who have to pick up the horse manure!  It’s not always going to be fun and games, but it is always worth the risk!!!!!

I’m in the front left hand row with the white shirt.  This is at my first Treasure Valley Roller Girls Fresh Meat Practice…learning to skate in a pack and listen for verbal ques and directions.  So  much fun!

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This must be my week for simple and easy to read small books.  At 113 “meat of the matter” readable pages, this book is another one you can read in a couple of hours.  It’s simple, easy to understand and very informative.

As a woman who has been dealing with weight and food issues all of her life, I truly appreciated this book.  It’s not about taking away and depriving yourself to get healthy, but rather adding simple things to your lifestyle that will result in better  health and more energy!  Who doesn’t want that?

I’m sure you have heard all the general rules:  60 minutes of exercise, eat 5-6 small meals a day, drink more water..and you might have even heard meditate, meditate, meditate.  Simple Health Value, is a fan of most of that, but it won’t require a huge change in your schedule or for you to go out and buy new exercise equipment or join a gym.  As a Beachbody Coach, it may seem counter intuitive for me to tell you not to buy extra exercise equipment, but as a woman with weight issues and a busy life, I love what Dr. Myers says and I will  pass it along!

According to Dr. Myers there are 5 Simple Health Values that you can add to your life with very little effort.  They are:

  • Drink more water
  • Eat fresh
  • Move daily
  • Sleep and Rest
  • Breathe

Drink More Water:

You might be just like me, and regularly ask for diet soda before you ask for water.  It is a habit.  I remember when I was a kid, if you ordered a soda at a restaurant the drinks were not refillable.  So we were always given a glass of water and 1 soda.  Water was refillable.  Naturally, we drank more water back then.  I remember the day that Chili’s opened in Dallas and I found out that I could drink an unlimited amount of Dr. Pepper!  It was like the heavens opened up and rained down this beautiful gift of unlimited manna from heaven!    It was the beginning of the decline of my water drinking (not that I drank alot of water anyway).  My parents were not water drinkers so I never got used to drinking water.  I’m not blaming it on my parents; I’m just saying it wasn’t a habit I formed as a kid.  Our culture, our commercials, encourage us (and our kids) to drink anything BUT water….soda, sunny D, Capri suns, energy drinks..you name it.  With everything else out there, water can taste a bit flat and unexciting.  Yet, water is so very important to our bodies.  It lubricates our cartilage.  It helps with our blood flow.  It keeps us clear thinking.  It helps detoxify our bodies.  It does so much.

We NEED water.  But how do you know if you are getting enough.  I know I have heard about a dozen different theories.  8-8oz glasses of water a day should do you.  Well, for most of us, that is alot more than we drink now.  But also for alot of us, that is not nearly enough!  That is only 64oz of water a day.  Dr. Myers gives a great water calculating example:

  • Take your body weight and divide it by 2.  So I weigh 236.  I should drink 118 oz a day.
  • Divide that number by 8 (8 oz per glass).  For me that is about 15
  • I need to drink 15 glasses of water each day to be properly hydrated

That may sound like alot.  So  how are we/me going to get all that water into my day?  Dr. Myers gives some great suggestions.  Drink 2 glasses right when you wake up in the morning..before you drink anything else.  Carry a water bottle with you in your car.  Make sure there is a water bottle on your desk at work.  At restaurants get in the habit of drinking water.  The waiter will keep it filled up while you eat and talk; that should get you a couple of glasses of water right there.  Drink a glass of water before you  hit the bed :).

Remember that water is a good appetite suppressant.  When you think you are hungry, before you eat, drink a glass of water…then see if you are actually hungry!

If you don’t like the taste of water, if it’s not exciting enough for you…try putting lemon and/or mint in your water.  Try sparkling water and add lemon to it.  You can also drink herbal/noncaffinated tea :).  I drink herbal tea to help me relax before bed :).

Eating Fresh:

You should be getting 9 servings of fruits and veggies a day.  Last year, I read this great book called Extreme Spirituality, and one of the exercises it suggested was living/eating simply.  This meant to eat fresh and put away the processed foods.  I know that as busy moms’ the processed foods offer us convenience, but those chemicals are killing us.  The fresh foods give us more than just nutrients.  They give us the energy and vitality that is within them.  It is better if you can get your fresh foods from some place local where they  haven’t been sprayed with chemicals to make them last longer, and you know they are fresher.

So, how in your busy life are you going to get more Fresh Food into your body?  Add some fresh fruit like bananas, strawberries, blueberries to your breakfast cereal, yogurt or even your desert at night.  You might like to grate a carrot into your scrambled eggs in the morning.  Take baby carrots or celery sticks to munch on at work.  Take raw nuts like almonds to munch on; you can keep them in your car and eat them while you are driving. (Okay that goes against what I read in the book Women Food and God…but I thought I would throw it out there).  I know when I am eating a sandwich for lunch, I like something crunchy like chips to munch on too; so I replace the chips for carrots :). Instead of that chocolate bar, you can replace that with an apple or an orange.  Or heck, keep the DARK chocolate on the menu and eat it WITH your apple :); it’s a great combination!  Another one of my favorite ways to get the leafy greens in my diet is to add fresh spinach to my sandwiches.  This isn’t about taking away the things you love; it’s about adding to them.  I bet once you start to feel the benefits of eating more Fresh, the cravings you get for the other stuff will go away.  I know that in my life; that has been true.  (That is until I start eating the unhealthy stuff again.)

Move Daily:

Okay, this is a big one.  So many people tell me that they just don’t have time to “work out” or “exercise”.  Dr. Myers isn’t talking about setting 60 minutes aside a day to work out.  He isn’t talking about the 15 minute drive to the Gym plus the added cost of a Gym membership.  He is talking about taking the dog for a walk, instead of letting him out the back door.  First thing in the morning, get up and do some crunches and push ups to get your blood pumping.  Take the stairs at work instead of the elevator or escalator.  Park further away at the grocery store or on the way to work, and walk.  At work, when you take your breaks, take a walk around the building or up and down the stairs.  When you clean house, make a point of making more movements, bending down further, lunging while vacuuming.  Your garden/yard work counts!  Just add more movement to your day.  Instead of driving the kids to school; walk or ride bikes with them.  Go the park to play with your kids or dog.  Simple, easy additions to natural movement in your life.

Sleep and Rest:

As adults, we tend to get busy and stay up too late and wake up too early!  Our bodies NEED sleep.  This is the time when our bodies get the most oxygen; from that deep breathing we do when we sleep.  Our body regenerates and heals. The muscles heal from the day’s exercising.  Our brains get a reset switch.  We NEED sleep.  Dr. Myers suggest setting an alarm clock to remind us that its time to go to bed.  You need enough sleep to go through all 5 cycles of sleep, and each cycle needs up to 110 minutes to be complete.  You do the math!

So how are you going to get to sleep earlier than you normally do?  Stop drinking coffee/stimulants so late at night.  Instead, replace it with a nice herbal noncaffinated  hot tea that promotes rest and relaxation.  Create a “going to bed” ritual that your body will recognize and say “hey!  it must be time to sleep!”  That might include the tea I mentioned and a nice relaxing book or a hot bath or aromatherapy (like lavender) in your room or meditation before bed.  Just create one and do it every night, and it will send a signal to your brain and body to shut off and sleep well.

So what about rest during the day?  Rest is different from sleep. Sleep you HAVE to do (eventually) but rest is a choice.  You body needs a break from the go go go that it does.  Take 2 rest breaks a day..whether that is stepping away from your desk or your computer and going some place quiet to just relax..or going out side to watch the clouds float by.  This may be a time when you decide to get some of that natural movement in by taking a walk around the building at work..or maybe a time when you decide to get some extra deep breaths in.  The beautiful thing about this book is that it talks about adding things to your life, and often these things can be added at the same time.  It’s actually time-saving!  During this break, you can walk, deep breath, get the fresh food or extra water in :).  But you need to step away from the go go go and relax your mind and body :).  Or…if you have time and extra money..schedule a massage once a week.  I realize this doesn’t help every single day, but it will help with the detoxification process that the water does, it will help with the breathing, and help your muscles and body functions work better :).

Breathing:

We take this for granted every single day. I mean let’s face it.  From the minute we were born, we started breathing on our own.  We don’t really control it.  It does it on its own.  Yet it is vital to our living experience.  Without it, we would die!  But most of our breathing we do during the day is shallow.  We spend a great deal of our day yawning.  Why?  Because we are not getting enough oxygen.  We need to be conscious and include deep breathing into our day :).  First thing in the morning, when you wake up, take some deep breaths….from your belly.  Put your hand on your diaphragm and feel it rise and fall.  That is the kind of breathing we are talking about.  When I was a massage therapist, I used to have my clients lay on their back and practice this to  make sure they understood what deep/belly breathing means.  Not only will this help you feel more refreshed and help you with your short-term memory, but it will help with the muscles in your neck that are being used to help you do that shallow breathing you do so consistently.

So how are you going to get this into your daily life?  Dr. Myers suggested setting visual or audible cues.  Like when you see something, it reminds you to take a deep breath.  Or when the phone rings, before you answer it, you stop and take a deep breath before answering.  These breaths should be in through your nose then out through your mouth.  I had a mentor once that suggested we take 5 “ha” breathes.  Inhale through our noses then exhale through out mouths making that breathy noise you make when you spread moisture onto a mirror to clean it off…”hhaaaaaaaa”.  Do this 5 times in one sitting; it will give your more energy and revitalize you!  It works!  I promise!  This will help with stress relief :).

So this may all seem like alot to do in one fell swoop.  I know I tend to swing in major pendulum motions.  An all or nothing type of mentality.  That is not always healthy.  As a matter of fact, it is a fool-proof way to ensure that you quit!  So, Dr. Myers suggest taking one of these Values and start with that.  Once you have successfully incorporated this into your life, add another one.  Slowly……

His book has so many wonderful suggestions and tips. I highly recommend his book.  It can be found on his website:  http://www.simplehealthvalue.com/default.asp

I will leave you with this quote from Dr. Myers, “Remember any amount of forward momentum in simple health decisions is a success.  And success is my hope for  you.”

All of my life, I have either been over weight for FELT like I was over weight.  Why?  Because my mom told me I was fat.  My dad told me I was fat.  My brothers told me I was fat. And the kids at school told me I was fat.  When I look back at my high school pictures, I see a completely different story; I was gorgeous!!!!  I have spent my entire life believing this story.  Which means I have spent my entire life (from time I became a teenager to now…at nearly 41 years old) on some kind of diet or thinking about being on a diet or thinking about how fat I am or that I would feel so much better if I was thinner.  I would say that I became conscious of my body shape and size at the age of 5; 36 years is a very long time to not like yourself/body image, don’t you think?

To try to change things I have been on numerous diets.  As a teenager, I would take dexatrim like it was candy.  I would binge eat then exercise like crazy to work it off (exercise bulimia).  As an adult, it started with “Medical Weight Loss Plan”.  I lost 60 pounds on that, I think.  Then I joined Jenny Craig; didn’t do so well with that one.  Then I took Phen/Fen; thankfully my heart was unaffected.  Then I tried just the “good” part of the Phen/Fen; that didn’t work at all.  Then I did Weight Watchers…..twice.  Then I just did my own thing; eating healthy and exercising; it worked great.  I even saw a therapist.  I felt great.  I even became a Beachbody Coach and started selling workout systems and coaching other people.  Yet, I gave up the eating healthy part and even my exercise routine has dropped.  I have gained back 10 of the 40# that I have lost.  Now what?????

This is where the email from Oprah came in.  She suggested everyone read Women Food and God.  Now I’m not one of those people who drops everything and does what Oprah says to do.  But this one intrigued me.  Probably because I was already on my 52 books in 52 weeks journey; and this book sounded interesting.  Besides, it might actually help, right?  So I ordered it…..

I have to be honest and say that before I started reading the book I felt pretty jaded.  What is a book going to say to make that much of a difference in my eating/weight issues?  I have been through almost every diet out there; at least every type anyway…except surgery (and that is only because that scares the heck out of me).  But I read it anyway…  And what I found was spot on!  This book is such a worthwhile read.  It’s not just for those of us with weight/food issues.  It talks about Compulsive eating, but I think this book would help anyone with any kind of compulsive behavior like smoking or drinking.

“Compulsive eating is an attempt to avoid the absence (of love, comfort, knowing what to do) when we find ourselves in the desert of a particular  moment, feeling, situation.”

One of the biggest concepts this book talks about is “Bolting”.   “Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron writes, ‘Never underestimate the inclination to bolt.'”   Bolting; this is something (I realize now) that I  have learned from my father.  Whenever the going got tough, he ran.  He ran from churches, from places of employment, and from his emotions.  Me?  I have bolted from friendships, emotions, and sometimes even volunteer work.  When things don’t go my way, I have been known to throw a temper tantrum and run.  How does this pertain to food?  Well, when things go bad, I like to eat..and eat alot!  This is “bolting”.  It’s the way we run from our emotions or “stuff” them as some people say.  Instead of staying present and feeling what we feel, we “bolt”.  This was a huge Ah-ha moment for me.  I have done this alot in so many ways.  But it stops here!

Like I said, I have done alot of diets..some were very successful it helping me lose weight.  But it has never been about the weight; well okay part of it is.  Mostly its about what caused me to put on the weight, until I could figure that one out and go from there, I would also put the weight back on.  Figuring out that I use Bolting to “protect” me is a big step in figuring out why I eat the way I do.  “Saying where you are with what you are feeling or seeing or sensing is the first step in ending the obsession with food.”  Yes, indeed it is.  “Staying requires awareness of the desire to bolt.  Staying requires being curious about who you actually are when you don’t take yourself to be a collection of memories….When you stay,….anything becomes possible.  Even living through the extraordinary pain.”

Roth says it’s not about the weight.  We spend so much time in what she calls the “When I Get Thin (Change Jobs, Move, Find a Relationship, Leave This Relationship, Have Money) Blues”.   We wait for something before we start living our lives.  I am so guilty of this.  I say, “When I get down to my perfect size, I’m going to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.”  Well you know what?  I can do that now.  Sure, I will pay a bit more, but I can do it now!  I don’t have to wait!  What does jumping out of a perfectly good airplane represent to me?  Freedom. When I say I will do it when I lose my weight, I am saying that I am STUCK.  Well I’m not stuck, and what a horrible story to tell myself.  My weight may make it uncomfortable to do things, but it certainly isn’t going to stop me from  living a full life!  And it shouldn’t stop you!  Yes, get healthy!  Yes, use food as nutrition to fuel your body.  But STOP putting things off until you get to whatever it is you think you want to get to.  This kind of thinking has you believing that you are not worthy of your dreams right NOW…and You are..I am.. WE ARE!!!  Start living today..stop waiting for that perfect time.  If we can start living today, the rest will catch up!

I loved this quote; “Because until you understand who you take yourself to be, true change is not possible.”….”The shape of your body obeys the shape of your beliefs about love, value, possibility.  To change your body, you must first understand that which is shaping it.  Not fight it, Not force it.  not deprive it.  Not same it.  Not do anything but accept–and, yes, Virginia–understand it.”

This is what I was saying earlier.  Until we understand who we are and what shapes our beliefs, our body will not change.  We need to understand what is making us run, hide, stuff and eat compulsively.  The same can be said for alcohol, drugs, smoking……..  “Truth, not force, does the word of ending compulsive eating.”  We can’t force it with a strict diet, by counting points, by eating premade frozen meals, by taking shots, or swallowing pills.  We must find the truth..by being curious, by inquiry.  Asking ourselves, why we feel like eating.  What is that food going to “fill”.  Where in our body are we feeling?  What does it feel like?  What color is it?  Once we can recognize this, give it a name and sit with it in truth instead of trying to run from it or stuff it, we will realize that it’s not going to kill us..and guess what..we don’t want to eat anymore!

Just when you think you don’t want to feel those things that hurt, comes this quote from Roth: “the medicine for the pain is the pain.”  Last weekend, when I did a Firewalk, I heard myself say, “you need to feel the pain.”  So I let myself feel the hot coals beneath my feet.  Walking fire can be “easy” and painless, or you can choose to make it  hard and or feel the pain.  I chose to make it easy AND feel the pain?  Why?  Because I need to feel the pain in my own life.  I need to recognize when I feel sad, lonely, hurt and FEEL it instead of stuffing or bolting from it.

One of the ideas in this book also blended well with The Fifth Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz.  Ruiz says to listen and be skeptical.  He was talking about doing this with others, but you should also do it with yourself.  According to Ruiz, we have been “domesticated” from the time we were children.  It was important to be thus so that we could learn not to put our hand on a hot stove.  We were domesticated for our own safety.  But these teachings also went further than this.  These teachings also taught us who we think we are based on someone elses’ perceptions of who they think we are.  Roth suggests the same kind of thing with the practice of Inquiry.  Be still and listen..be curious..ask..but don’t believe everything you hear.  Remember that what your mind tells you is what you have learned from the past..from other people..  Inquiry is body based.  What is the Body feeling..not the mind.  Listen..and be skeptical.

Roth calls this banter inside our heads “The Voice” (what Ruiz calls domestication).  The Voice has been running our lives.  Telling us that we are fat, our thighs have too much cellulite, we are quitters, we are losers..yadda yadda yadda.  Those are lies!  We are so much more than that.  We are the very essence of GOD; we are LOVE and JOY.  When The Voice talks, tell it to shut the heck up!  And get back to feeling what you feel in your body.

Another practice Roth suggested in this book is to meditate…..ON YOUR BELLY.  Think about what you belly feels like.  Now I know that as women, we try very hard NOT to think about our bellies..  But if I told you NOT to think about your belly, what is the first thing you think about?  YOUR BELLY!  So instead of pretending not to think about it, embrace it.  Your belly is your place of personal power.  It is your 3rd Chankra..your solar plexus.  This is what balances you and gives you power to speak your truth.  You NEED to focus on it, and love it and listen to it.  It is where you intuition resides.  It is an amazing part of your body, and by ignoring it, you are mistreating  it and yourself.  You deserve better than that :).

There is so much more to this book than what I have typed, and I have typed ALOT!  She goes on to talk about whether you are a Restrictor or Permitter when it comes to food (or even life).  She goes on to talk about the Sufi’s 3 ways to God and how that pertains to our eating.  And she gives us her Guidelines for eating, remember that you can eat anything you want and still get to your NATURAL weight.  To learn more about these, you will want to read for yourself.  I just can’t do it justice.  But I will leave you with a couple of quotes…..

“Bliss occurs by arriving where you are.  When we are not reconstructing the past in every nanosecond, what is here is so satisfying, so loving, so unbelievably simple that once tasted, it changes everything.  because then you know what’s possible and you refuse to settle for anything less.”

“There is nothing like having chocolate cake three inches away to reveal your fear of chaos or your desire to melt into it.”

“Once ou realize that it’s possible to feel good by not eating certain things and including others instead, the compulsion begins to fall away because you’ve found something better:  getting your life back.”